The top 5 things that you absolutely, positively do not need in order to sell your art (and the top 5 things you actually do need

By Tyler Tervooren | June 21, 2010

We’ve all been there. Staring down the barrel of some crazy, ambitious goal, some dream, wondering how the heck we’re ever going to pull it off.
A trend I notice in my own life is a lot of amazing artists and creatives doing awesome work dreaming of someday making a living from it. We want to get started, but we’re missing a lot of important pieces. We look at everyone that’s making it and think we need what they have just to get a foot in the door.

That’s not actually true.

There are all kinds of things we could have before we start selling our art, but the reality is that we don’t actually need most of them. They’re just barriers that we put up to keep from taking a risk and doing what’s really important – actually selling our work.
Here are the top 5 things that you absolutely, positively do not need in order to sell your art (and the top 5 things you actually do need).

Image by *eddie

1. Business Cards

What I really mean when I say “business cards” is any of those standard office items that act as a barrier to getting out there and starting. This could be a printer, a fax machine, an assistant, anything besides your art, really.

Sure, eventually you’re going to need a few things, but they should come as an answer to an actual problem rather than a prerequisite for doing business. Heck, in most cases, you don’t even need a business license to get things going.

You don’t need business cards or any of that other junk, but here’s what you do need: intense focus on your art and simplicity. When you’re trying to get off the ground, you don’t need the self-inflicted resistance that comes with all the business gadgets.

Focus on creating your art and finding people who like it. That’s all that matters right now. Besides, the less you need to run your art business, the less you have to sell to keep running your art business.

2. An Art Degree

Here’s something really important that we should get out of the way. Education comes in so many different forms, and even though a classroom is a valid one, a degree is completely unnecessary if you want to start your own business and sell your art.

There are very few people outside of the corporate world who care if you have a degree and, dare I say, those people are a waste of your time and energy anyway.

Here’s what you need instead: A burning desire to learn and change.

No one who buys your art cares if you have a degree, but they do care that you have an education and an opinion about what you create and sell.

Luckily, those two things are easily attained for a lot less than the cost of tuition. If you have a hunger to learn, you’ll find all the education you need for free.

3. An Agent

Someday you may get to the point where you need someone to look out for you and help make good business deals so that you can focus on creating, napping, and taking exotic vacations.
Today is not that day. In fact, that day just might never come.

There’s nothing wrong with hiring someone to keep your best interest in mind, but always remember that no one cares as much about your art or your business as you do. Learn how to take care of your art business yourself before you outsource it.

You don’t need an agent, but you do need basic business aptitude.

Don’t worry if you haven’t got it now. There are all kinds of ways to pick it up.

The fastest is to just get out there and start doing business everywhere you can. You’ll screw up, lose money, get burned, and learn a lot of hard lessons. But if you keep at it, you’ll fail forward.

The safest way is to read every art and business blog you can, take business classes and start as small as possible.

The best way is probably somewhere in the middle. You’ve already got a great start reading Lateral Action (you smarty).

4. A Masterpiece

If there’s one thing that aspiring artists continually destroy their businesses with, it’s their own self doubt. This is a topic for a whole other discussion, but the thing to take away is that you do not need to create the world’s greatest masterpieces in order to make it as a professional artist.

There’s a market for every type of art and you don’t have to be the very best in the world to sell yours. You just have to be the best in your customer’s world. That means being the best thing available to them in their own sphere of influence.

Think of the last piece of art you paid for. Did you buy it because it was the most technically amazing piece of work you’ve seen or did you buy it because it told a story you liked?

People like art that looks good, but they buy it because it makes them feel good.

Better technique comes with more practice. Practice telling better stories and the technique (and money) will follow.

Here’s another secret the pros don’t tell you. No one paid attention to them when they started either.

People pay attention to things that their friends tell them about. When you’re starting out, your job is to be persistent and tell stories that people want to share.

5. Permission

No one can give the permission you need to sell your art. I totally understand the need for approval – I’ve been there many times myself – but it’s a dangerous rabbit hole to go down.

You see, asking for permission and waiting for approval is a carrot on a stick. Once you decide to chase it, you’re forever grasping. Every step you take is on the back of someone else’s approval and the further you go, the more of it you need.

Not a good place to be.

You don’t need permission or approval to be you and do what you do.

Without doubt, it’s the hardest thing to overcome, but the rewards for doing it are endless. You’re not good enough the day someone tells you that you are. You’re good enough when you’re tired of waiting for that day.

At this stage, skill and aptitude have nothing to do with it. Hard to believe, I know. Truth is, everyone starts out “not good enough.” Only the people that actually start end up becoming good enough.

My Confession

Here’s a little confession: I’m pretty new to the writing world, myself. I’ve got no credentials beyond my award winning book report on Oliver Twist in 10th grade and if we cross paths tomorrow, I’ll have no business card to give you.

Do I write the most beautiful prose you’ve ever read? Heck no. But every day I try to tell stories that connect with people that are like me and it seems to be working.
That’s why I’m writing this post for you. You’re not going to come find me just because I’m here, so I’m out finding you.

The most important thing you can do when you start selling your art is anything. Sure, you’ll get a lot of things wrong, but then you’ll get a lot of them right.

Think of everything you wish you could have before you get started and then imagine how you’d begin if you could never have it.

Start there.

Over to You

Can you think of anything else you don’t need to start selling your creative work?
About the Author: Tyler Tervooren helps extraordinary people improve their lives by doing really scary things at his site, Advanced Riskology. He’s currently on his own quest to join the top 1% of the world.

A good sign of vision is that no one else can see it

by Saul Colt  |  October 6/2011  |  

Most of the world heard the news of Steve Jobs passing yesterday and as expected when someone as beloved and historically significant as Mr. Jobs passes there will be tributes. Instead of repeating what hundreds have already said I would like to offer a different take and actually attempt to describe what made Mr. Jobs different by not talking about him at all but rather to share an experience I had recently.
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to hear Jelly Helm speak. For those not familiar, Jelly Helm is formerly Executive Creative Director of Wieden+Kennedy in Portland and Amsterdam, and Founder/Director of W+K 12, Wieden+Kennedy’s experimental in-house school. I speak at a lot of conferences and am exposed to a lot of great people so I am a little jaded but knew right away that this talk was going to be different.

For starters, Jelly didn’t speak to the crowd, he welcomed us into his mind and explained Branding and Storytelling with a “Show, Don’t Tell” point of view [side note: Show, Don’t tell will be the name of my Marketing book if I ever find the time to write it] and introduced concepts and ideas that on first glance were probably out of the norm but upon further thought made perfect sense.

Jelly introduced the concept of how some of us see a tragic gap between the world as we know it and the place we know it could be. He referenced Parker Palmer by calling it a tension between corrosive cynicism and irrelevant optimism (a place of no shadows) and stated that this is really a creative tension and where the growth actually occurs.

Think about that for a second. Everything has two sides and needs a little of both to be great.
The other thing that every great idea/company needs is the following:

• Vision: What you see
• Purpose: What you do different, do it
• Presence: Let people see purpose by what you do – present expression, the experience of you
• Roots: What do you come from, how you see the world, pull everything into your story. Deep roots are fed by a vision

Have you ever asked yourself what’s your deep story that connects vision to roots?
If you can answer that question and have a real passion for something, I, Jelly and Steve would tell you to follow your passion because very few people get to say that they are doing what they really love.
I never had the chance to meet Steve Jobs but I was certainly touched by his vision. Jelly reminds me a lot of Steve Jobs because of the way they both look at the world and see an opening to really impact it for future people.

I recently read Buckminster Fuller say before his passing that he has no feeling about death because while there will soon be a time when no one can see him anymore, his stories and the emotions of his experiences won’t leave people and can’t be erased.

I feel that way about Steve Jobs and I am grateful that Jelly Helm reminded me of this.

Photograph from Louis Tremblay

EIGHT THINGS YOU MUST DO WHEN SELLING A PIECE OF ART:

There are a few steps to take when you’ve made a sale of your artwork.  The most important is to make a meaningful connection with your new collector.  After all, the collectors are your supporters who enable you to live a creative life.  And living a creative life enables you to make important contributions to the world.
The rest of the Eight Things You Must Do are necessary for all creative professionals for their creative success.

1.)  PHOTOGRAPH OR SCAN YOUR ART:  Before selling any and every piece you create, be sure to have a photograph of it, preferably a high quality scan.  Trust me, this will come in handy later for more reasons than I can list here.

2.)  AGREE TO A PRICE: The price of your artwork should already be determined and listed, either on your website or on the price sheet if you’re at an art festival or event.  A customer may ask for a discount.  It’s up to you if you want to offer a discount. Some artists will bump their prices up by 5%, then give a discount of 5% when asked.  Or, if a customer is buying multiple pieces, you may want to give a small price break.

3.)  ADD SALES TAX AND SHIPPING CHARGES:  In Orange County, California, our sales tax is a whopping 8.75%!  That gets added to the price of the piece, as well as my estimated shipping charges, if the item will be shipped.  Be careful with estimating shipping – sometimes you’ll end up paying a lot more because you didn’t charge enough.  (Note:  If you are shipping the item to an out-of-state location, you don’t have to charge sales tax.)

4.)  ARRANGE DELIVERY:  There are a few options for artwork delivery:

• CUSTOMER TAKES IT HOME ON THE SPOT:  When at an event, if the customer paid cash or credit card (and you processed the card already), then let them take it with them if possible.  This will save you the trouble of shipping later, and the customer is usually happy not to have to pay shipping charges.
• If they paid by check or PayPal, I strongly advise you to wait for the payment to clear. We’ve sold many art pieces at shows where the customer paid by check, and only one time did a check bounce.  But I’ll tell you, that one time stung!  I no longer let the customer take the item home until after the money is officially in the bank.
• PICK UP AT STUDIO:  If the buyer is local to your area, arrange for them to pick up the piece at your studio after the payment has cleared.   I love when people come to our Drew Brophy studio to pick up art, because it’s an opportunity to show them other pieces. Once we get a new collector to come into our studio and get to know us personally, they become a Drew Brophy fan for life.  The personal connection is very powerful.
• DELIVER AND HANG FOR THEM:  You could offer to deliver and hang the art for a small additional fee that would cover your time and travel expenses.  If a customer purchases several large pieces, and they are less than a two hour drive from our studio, we offer to personally deliver and hang the art for them at no charge.
• FOLLOW UP:  If you’ve shipped the piece, follow up by phone or e-mail later, to make sure that it arrived safely.

5.)  PROVIDE A RECEIPT: Print out a receipt for the customer so that they have a record of the artwork and price they paid for it.  The receipt should have all of your contact information on it, as well as your website address, your phone number and your email.  Many artists include a copyright notice on their receipts.  Ours states that “The artwork copyright is owned by Drew Brophy.  Any reproduction of this artwork must be agreed to, in a separate licensing agreement and in writing, by Drew Brophy.”

6.)  RECORD THE COLLECTORS CONTACT INFO: Always keep a record of all buyers of your artwork. We have a spreadsheet of every person who has bought Drew Brophy’s originals going back to 1996 (which is when we started keeping track).  I recommend using an Excel Spreadsheet so that you can sort according to year, or painting name, or medium, as you need to.  The spreadsheet has the following information:

TITLE OF ARTWORK/Year Created/MEDIUM/Size/$ PRICE PAID/Buyer NAME, ADDRESS, PHONE, EMAIL

7.)  SEND A THANK YOU CARD:  We mail a nice “thank you” card about a week after the painting was shipped, delivered or picked up.  In the card we write our heartfelt thanks for the buyer contributing to the arts and we share our wish that they enjoy the art for years to come.

8.)  MAILING LIST:  Add your collector’s information to your mailing list (ask permission to add their e-mail to your newsletter list).  If you don’t send out mailers or newsletters, eventually you will, so start your list now.  A mailing list is a fabulous way to keep in touch with your collectors over the years, particularly if you want to invite them to future shows or let them know about new works that you’ve created.

Be sure to let your collector know that you appreciate their love of your art, and that you are happy to see the piece go to a good home.  Without the support of our collectors, I don’t know what Drew and I would be doing for a living.

Art collectors are the angels that provide support for the arts and that make it possible for artists to put more beauty into the world. For that, I’m grateful!

article from Maria Brophy

Money is a Commitment - Art, Lifestyle, Inspiration

Money is a Commitment

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness….the moment one definitely commits himself, the providence moves, too.”  William Hutchinson Murray

Article by Maria Brophy

Money is the physical manifestation of a promise to do something in the near future.

You prove your commitment when you put your money down.
Once the money is paid, you are well on your way to the end result.
On the other side of the fence, your clients are committed when they put their money down.
ON TRAVEL:  Remember that last plane ticket you bought?  You knew it was non-refundable; there was no turning back.

The moment your pulled out your Visa card and made the payment, your mind went to where you were going to be.  For me it was Hawaii.   The day I bought our plane tickets to the North Shore, I was already surfing Puaena Point in my mind!  I was there before I was actually there.
ON BUSINESS:  Some people call me hardnosed, and heck, I’ve been called worse!  But when it comes to business, I’m very serious about keeping my little venture running.  And so, I have to weed out the committed from the bullshooters.

Often we have people come into our lives that promise us the moon (and lots of money), but don’t deliver.  Many years ago we figured out a great way to make the bull-shooters disappear and the serious stay.  (And it prevented us from ever getting ripped off again.)

Drew and I instituted a policy that requires a client to pay 50% up front (or an advance of royalties), before Drew will begin work on any art project.

I almost never deviate from that requirement, even when dealing with friends or family.  Here’s why:
Without the client’s commitment (money), they could change their mind halfway through the project.  Or their boss could choose to change direction.  Or their Board of Directors can decide to call it quits.  This is not about trust at all; it’s pure common sense.

When a client hands over their deposit, I know they are serious.  They are committed.  And that gives me the green light to move forward.

(And, I must add, your best clients will not ever have a problem paying a deposit.  We just got a commission from Google, yes, mighty and powerful Google, and they did not have a problem with our deposit requirement.)

But this doesn’t just work for clients; it works on myself, too.

ON LEARNING:  Commitment is what separates the serious from the not-so-serious.
It breaks out the losers from the winners, the criers from the happy.  Commitment is what will lead you to the end result you seek.

When you pay for a class that you plan to take, you have made a commitment to the goal of learning something new. 

A strange thing happens when we put money down on a class; we begin learning immediately, even before the program begins.  We start noticing others who know what we seek to learn.  We begin reading up on it, in advance.  We are committed.

A couple years ago I signed up for a one week meditation-writer’s retreat with bestselling author Susan Piver.  When I paid for my plane ticket to Denver and a week at the Shambala Mountain Center, I had already begun my lesson.

The money was my commitment to learning to be a better writer and to meditate more deeply.  Before I even left for the retreat center, I was learning.  I had committed with my money, which translated to a commitment in my mind.

HOW COMMITTED ARE YOU TO YOUR GOALS?

How committed are we to our goals?  The money we spend is one barometer of how serious we are.
Some people tell me that they are committed to learning about art licensing, but yet they aren’t willing to put the money into taking LIMA’s one-year course in licensing.

Some say they are committed to propelling their career forward, yet they aren’t willing to put their money where their mouth is. 

There are resources out there that can save you years of work, if only you commit.  The recent smARTist Telesummit is an excellent example of serious, committed artists who had no problem paying $500 for a two-week course to learn from the top art experts in the country.  Many say that the value they gained from that course was priceless.

Committed people aren’t afraid to spend money on consultants and coaches and good attorneys.
It wasn’t that long ago that I decided to start consulting artists on the side.  I didn’t know what to expect; I wondered who would be willing to pay me $150 an hour for my expertise.

After about my twentieth consulting client, it dawned on me that every single artist that I worked with was highly intelligent, open-minded to advice and applied it.  Things always worked out for them.  Most were already very successful.  I was surprised, because I know so many people that are the opposite.  It was refreshing.

Then I realized:  Underachievers don’t hire consultants.  Winners do.

Underachievers can’t commit.  Or they refuse to.  Or they claim that they can’t afford to take a class or course or hire someone to help.

Being unwilling to spend money to further your career or to learn something new or to solve a problem will keep you right where you are.  You can’t grow from a lack of commitment.
But those of us who are willing to put our money where our mouth is, we show our commitment, and the results show up.

What have you committed to recently that was a big step for you? Or is there something you are considering to commit to?  Please share in the comments!  I’d love to hear your say on this topic.

Maria xxoo

Every parents thinks that their baby is the cutest and the most beautiful baby in the whole world...

They probably would not think with the opposite because this is their feeling and precisely what is true for them. So, how can you let the whole world to see your adorably cute little one while earning slightly cash in the way? Of path, get people camera together with enter your child into a newborn photo competition. You might enter your child to as many contests because you like.

Posted by peter on February 12, 2012

There are lots of baby photo contests which can be free and there are also some that will need a membership or maybe a fee. Using the world wide web, you can purchase a baby photo contest that will surely cave in to your even consider making your precious baby a product.

So, how could you win that contest? Actually, there is no really a defined formula to winning an infant photo competition. What you can actually do for a mom is to increase your possibility of winning one. So, below are some of the tips that you can do to increase your chance in winning.

First is to send a photo that people took of your baby. If another individual took that photo of your baby, the doctor has to get your permission before entering that photo inside one baby photo competition. You must have a genuinely taken photo not edited or taken by a professional professional photographer.

Choose a photo that is actually clear. Do not upload photos which can be very fuzzy or really dark because it’s very difficult to guage these snap shots. You must always remember for you to select a photo that’s clear or higher close. This can make that judges to really see how adorable your baby is. Be really creative and have fun aiming pictures. Do not just coach your baby. Instead, let the picture get natural and creative.

The baby photo competition judges will love to discover creative photos that will stand available. This could make your baby photo be on the main page. Depending on which day it’s for example if it is Christmastime then you will have a better possibility of winning the baby photo contest if you will give this season’s idea. Just think about the season, month, weather, or holiday celebrations and try to make it the theme in the photo you may send. However, you can also send a neutral crafted photo and hope to win that contest.
Just take into account that your baby can’t get the photo contest ideal for example he or she is wearing a bathing suit during that months associated with winter or he or she is wearing sweatshirts during the hot months. Also, do not send photos of your baby wearing a Costume in almost any month unless it’s September and October and also the Halloween month of December.

When people send your baby’s photo, include the right information of your baby especially her or his first identify. Do not upload a nude photo or even a semi nude photo of your baby because this is not appropriate even to get a baby. Don’t also send a very small photo since it can’t get judge. Just send natural photos of your baby and you should sure increase your possibility of winning the baby photo competition.

20 Things to Start Doing in Your Relationships

Family isn’t always blood.  They’re the people in your life who appreciate having you in theirs – the ones who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways, and who not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be.  These people – your real family – are the ones who truly matter.
Here are twenty tips to help you find and foster these special relationships.

1. Free yourself from negative people. – Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.  Relationships should help you, not hurt you.  Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be.  Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.  Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  When you free yourself from negative people, you free yourself to be YOU – and being YOU is the only way to truly live.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
2. Let go of those who are already gone. – The sad truth is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need.  When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave.  The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on.  We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.  So when people walk away from you, let them go.   Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you.  It doesn’t mean they are bad people; it just means that their part in your story is over.
3. Give people you don’t know a fair chance. – When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story.  Everyone has gone through something that has changed them, and forced them to grow.  Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.  We meet no ordinary people in our lives.  If you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer.  So appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work.  Trust your judgment.  Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory.  Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
4. Show everyone kindness and respect. – Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.  There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected.  Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.  People will notice your kindness.
5. Accept people just the way they are. – In most cases it’s impossible to change them anyway, and it’s rude to try.  So save yourself from needless stress.  Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example.
6. Encourage others and cheer for them. – Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for those who are making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Be thankful for their blessings, openly.  What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.
7. Be your imperfectly perfect self. – In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self.  And when they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same.  Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress.  Be your imperfectly perfect self around them.  We are not perfect for everyone, we are only perfect for those select few people that really take the time to get to know us and love us for who we really are.  And to those select few, being our imperfectly perfect self is what they love about us.
8. Forgive people and move forward. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the remedy.  It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.  Remember, the less time you spend hating the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you.
9. Do little things every day for others. – Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts.  You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people.  Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty.
10. Pay attention to who your real friends are. – As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.  Remember, life is kind of like a party.  You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late.  But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess.  And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess.  These people are your real friends in life.  They are the ones who matter most.
11. Always be loyal. – True love and real friendship aren’t about being inseparable. These relationships are about two people being true to each other even when they are separated.  When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority.  Loyalty is everything.
12. Stay in better touch with people who matter to you. – In human relationships distance is not measured in miles, but in affection.  Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart.  So don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words.  Stay in touch with those who matter to you.  Not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort.  Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.  Paying attention to these people is a priority.
13. Keep your promises and tell the truth. – If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT!  If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE!  If you say you feel something, MEAN IT!  If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE.  It’s always better to tell people the truth up front.  Don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts.  Don’t tell half-truths and expect people to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies.  Remember, love and friendship don’t hurt.  Lying, cheating and screwing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts.  Never mess with someone’s feelings just because you’re unsure of yours.  Always be open and honest.
14. Give what you want to receive. – Don’t expect what you are not willing to give.  Start practicing the golden rule.  If you want love, give love.  If you want friends, be friendly.  If you want money, provide value.  It works.  It really is this simple.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
15. Say what you mean and mean what you say. – Give the people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable.  Information is the grease that keeps the engine of communication functioning.  Start communicating clearly.  Don’t try to read other people’s minds, and don’t make other people try to read yours.  Most problems, big and small, within a family, friendship, or business relationship, start with bad communication.
16. Allow others to make their own decisions. – Do not judge others by your own past.  They are living a different life than you are.  What might be good for one person may not be good for another.  What might be bad for one person might change another person’s life for the better.  Allow people to make their own mistakes and their own decisions.
17. Talk a little less, and listen more. – Less advice is often the best advice.  People don’t need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement.  What they want to know is often already somewhere inside of them.  They just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help them find their direction.
18. Leave petty arguments alone. – Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.  There are many roads to what’s right.  And most of the time it just doesn’t matter that much.  Read How To Win Friends and Influence People.
19. Ignore unconstructive, hurtful commentary. – No one has the right to judge you.  They might have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through.  No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks differently.  So concentrate on doing what you know in your heart is right.  What most people think and say about you isn’t all that important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.
20. Pay attention to your relationship with yourself. – One of the most painful things in life is losing yourself in the process of loving others too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  When was the last time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel matters?  When was the last time someone told you that you did a good job, or took you someplace, simply because they know you feel happy when you’re there?  When was the last time that ‘someone’ was YOU?

Article from  http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/01/29/20-things-to-start-doing-in-your-relationships/

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

Written by marcandange

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

4 Ways to Overcome Barriers to Change and Make New Habits Stick

Will 2012 be a year for change or will you keep doing what you have always done?

“It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.”

Albert Einstein

Seems obvious, only an idiot would try to keep doing the same thing and expect different results, no? But the truth is I’m guilty of it, my friends are guilty, my family are guilty and I guess each one of you reading this is also guilty of the syndrome. If change were easy we would all be different, more successful, healthier, fitter, stronger, slimmer, more intelligent and definitely more accomplished. But we are not. And here’s the reasons why.

Change is difficult.

Change is uncomfortable.

Most human beings resist change. The familiar becomes a false sense of security even if it is a bad habit or a behavior that doesn’t serve us. Fear prevents us from moving forward. The “what if” syndrome hits us. What if I lose money? What if it’s the wrong decision? What if I can’t keep it up? I say sod all the negatives,
Change is necessary, Change is good, Change is exciting, it’s thrilling, it’s energizing.

Life is ever changing, it’s dynamic, no two moments are ever the same. Our bodies are different one moment to the next, so why would we try to keep things the same? Why not embrace the difference, the different emotions, the different experiences that is life?

Successful Change

The route to successful change is in the habits we create, it’s achieved by consistent small changes which add up to desired results.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.”
Aristotle

If we are what we repeatedly do, then creating habits of what we want in our lives in the only way to go. But how do we create habits that stick? Most of us will have a New Year’s Resolution or 22 that haven’t quite worked out the way we planned; there are a number of reasons why this can happen.

1. Lack of planning

If you want anything to work well it must have a POA (Plan of Action) You need to put some thought into What, When, Why and any other question word you can think of. If you want to create the habit of exercise then you must decide what exercise, what days and for how long before you put your gear on. Failing to plan is setting yourself up to fail.

2. Trying too much too soon

When starting a new habit, you need to start small and do it often. If you want to create a habit of writing, the trick is to do a little every day. If you are what you repeatedly do, some day you can become a writer.

3. Focusing on the wrong thing

Many people without realizing focus on the wrong thing. Every year I would set the goal to lose weight and every year I would fail. Last year I finally realized why it wasn’t working. I spent a lot of time focusing on my rounded belly and feeling negative about how my diet wasn’t working. One morning in the shower I had an epiphany. I spent my life telling people to focus on the positive and to focus on what they want and here I was spending my time focusing on my the parts of my body I didn’t like instead of focusing on the healthy, strong lean body I was busy creating. I have finally lost the weight.

4. Lack of Self Belief

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”

Henry Ford probably didn’t realize how famous his quotation would become but he knew how true these words were. If you go to the trouble of setting a goal, do yourself a favor and believe in ability to achieve it. If your best friend told you they were going to change this year, this year was going to be different. This year they are going to stop doing what they have always done and do what needs to be done to achieve the changes that they want to achieve. Would you support your friend or would you doubt and discourage them with negative thoughts and words?

Start being your own best friend start encouraging and believing in yourself. Nurture your attempts with positive supportive words and actions. You can do it this year. You will do it; you just have to believe and you are half way there.

(Photo credit: Change Just Ahead Green Road Sign via Shutterstock)


4 Ways to Overcome Barriers to Change and Make New Habits Stick

8 Questions to Ask Your Aging Parent

We spend so much of our lives with our parents and yet most of it is devoted to routine and commonplace things.

But we rarely discuss the profound.

Time is short and unfortunately we are all getting older. There may never be a better time than now to have a meaningful conversation with your parent or parents.

You sometimes hear people say that they regret missed opportunities while their parents were alive and that there were things they wish they had spoken about. Make sure that you seize the chance while you can.
Here are some good questions to ask your parent or parents:

1. Can you tell me a story about your parents or grandparents?

Family history is much more than a family tree and a photo album. It is also a collection of stories which become your family folklore. Be sure to have some stories about your ancestors that you can pass on to your descendants.

2. Can you tell me a story about when you were a child?

Stories about their adventures, hopes, fears and relationships with friends and parents can be fascinating and revealing. Why not record them on video?

3. Can you tell me a story about me as a child?

Your parents will remember funny or embarrassing things about you as a little child. These will be handy when one day your child asks you question 2 above.

4. What is the one piece of advice you would like to share with me?

Your parents have a lifetime of experience and there are still things that you can learn from them. They may share something philosophical, funny or silly. Whatever it is it can pass into the family sayings and mythology.

5. What thing in your life made you the happiest or the proudest?

Let’s talk about the good things in their lives; their achievements, joys and moments of pride. You may yourself feature there.

6. What is your biggest regret? What would you have done differently?

Perhaps this is a sad area that you would rather not explore but sometimes the answer can be revealing and explain things about your parents that you did not realise or understand.

7. What event had the biggest impact on you?

Perhaps it was something to do with a war or a disaster. What was it that made a big impression?  See if you can learn exactly how they felt and reacted at the time. It might put something you had only ever read about into the personal context of your parent.

8. What plans should we make for the future?

Many people feel uncomfortable talking about future plans that include what happens after their parents pass. But these are important issues and it is better to broach them. Where will they live if they can no longer manage where they are? Is there a will? What do they want to do with the heirlooms? What sort of funeral would they want?
The next time your see your aging parents don’t just talk about minor domestic matters. Try raising some of the big questions above and then listen carefully to their answers. You may be surprised at what you learn.


Picture source: Louis Tremblay

Article from Lifehack