"Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks."
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
"Some of us (perfectionists, especially)
fuss so much over making the 'right' choice, but in life, all that's
really needed is to make any' good' choice, believe in it, go through
with it, and accept the consequences."
Unknown
"People throw away what they could have by
insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it
where they will never find it."
Edith Schaeffer
One of the most common problems people seem to have - based on the email and other feedback I get - is perfectionism.
And I'm no stranger to it either. Once in a
while I feel old thought patterns pop up. Perfectionism rears its
unsettling and distracting head.
At such times I redirect my focus. I use a
couple of techniques and strategies and remind myself of a few things to
be able to avoid procrastination, stop the polishing and get things all
the way to done. In this email I'd like to explore what has worked for
me in such situations plus a few habits that greatly decreases
the perfectionism over time.
1. Go for good enough.
Aiming for perfection usually winds up in a
project or something else never being finished. So go for good enough
instead. Don't use it as an excuse to slack off. But simply realize that
there is something called good enough and when you are there then you
are finished with whatever you are doing.
So find a balance for yourself where you do
good work and don't slack off but at the same time don't get lost in
trying to improve and polish something too much. How to find that
balance? I have found it through experience.
2. Have a deadline.
A deadline can be useful. For example, a bit
more than a a year ago, I set a deadline for when my second book should
be finished. I had realized that just working on it and releasing it
when it was done would not work. Because I could always find stuff to
add to it. So I had to set a deadline.
Setting a deadline gave me a kick in the butt
and it is generally good way to help you to let go of a need to polish
things a bit too much.
3. Realize that you hurt yourself and the people around you by buying into myths of perfection.
By watching too many movies, listening to too
many songs and just taking in what the world is telling you it is very
easy to be lulled into dreams of perfection. It sounds so good and
wonderful and you want it.
But in real life it clashes with reality and
tends to cause much suffering and stress within you and in the people
around you. It can harm or possibly lead you to end relationships, jobs,
projects etc. just because your expectations are out of this world.
I find it very helpful to remind myself of this simple fact.
Whenever I get lost in a perfectionistic
headspace I remind myself that it will cause me and my world harm. And
so it become easier to switch my focus and thought patterns because I
want to avoid making stupid choices and avoid causing myself and other
people unnecessary pain.
4. Accept that you are human and so is everyone else.
Set human standards for everyone and accept that life is like that.
Everything and everyone has flaws and things
don't always go as planned. You can still improve things but they will
never be perfect. And realize that you won't be rejected if things or
you aren't perfect. At least not by reasonably well-balanced human
beings, like most people actually are in reality.
5. Compare yourself to yourself.
Comparing yourself to other people on a
regular basis can easily lead to feeling inferior. There will always be a
lot of people ahead of you in any area of life. So compare yourself to
yourself. See your improvement, see how far you have come. Appreciate
yourself and focus on what you have done and are doing rather than what
everyone else is doing.
6. Do what you think is the right thing.
So you realize that perfectionism will harm
you and you try to avoid it. But people and media and the society around
you have an influence over how you think and feel.
One of the best ways I have found to
practically lessen that influence is by doing the right thing as much as
possible. When you do that other people's expectations have less and
less power of over you and you get in control instead.
Because by doing the right thing your esteem
of yourself goes up and other people's opinions about you and life will
matter less to you. Instead of their influence being like a tsunami
flooding over you it flows right over you. Or bounces off you. Because
now you have become stronger, more certain in who you are and you are
not so easily swayed by external forces.
7. Live in an environment of human standards.
Emotions are contagious. So is perfectionism.
Even though you can lessen the impact that your environment has you can
also work at the other end of things and shape your environment to
lessen the influence of perfectionism.
Read magazines with realistic expectations.
Reduce the perfectionism in your world by reducing or cutting out the
media sources that every week try to reinforce it in you.
Spend less time with nervously perfectionistic
people and more time with people who are trying to improve themselves
and/or are living a good life in a positive, healthy and relaxed way.
I hope this email will help you to overcome or decrease the perfectionism in your life,
Henrik
Want to learn much more about living a
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